Lesbian
2010-06-16
I remember that I felt stunned to think that we had just had sex.
Not sex like it would have been with a boy. I could still not quite imagine what it would feel like to feel a boy's stiff boner being pushed up my vagina, the whole time with me feeling so fearful that he would fertilize me. The last thing that I ever wanted was to get pregnant.
It was not sex like that. It was this sublime sort of sexual experience that I felt totally safe about, and tantalized because it had been with another female. Suddenly I could see how that could work and be so nice and so satisfying. It was. I loved Leslie for letting me experience this. If it had been with a friend, With any of my girlfriends, I would have felt too exposed, too embarrassed. With Leslie, it was not that way. It was romantic and fulfilling.
We laid there for a while afterward. I could feel Leslie becoming slightly tense, as if now worried about having done this with me. Undoubtedly thinking that she had gone too far, and shouldn't have. I said something to the effect of how this was personal and no one would know, of course.
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I put it tactfully. This seemed to make Leslie feel better. We kissed and hugged a little, and then it was finally time for me to leave. She told me how much she had enjoyed this, and we more or less agreed to get back together.
As I walked home, I felt intoxicated with this warm feeling of romance that continued to flow inside of me. I felt surprised with myself, but there was also a tingle of lingering excitement. Especially when I thought of seeing Leslie again. I had no feelings that she had in any way taken advantage of me, that she was this child-molesting lesbian. It was nothing even remotely like that. Nor did I think of myself as being a lesbian.
This was quite apart from that. When I got home, I felt sort of guilty around my parents. I could imagine what they would think - and do - if they had any idea that I had just had sex with an older woman. They would never understand. Nor would any of my friends, come to that.
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No . . . this was my very own Private moment of luxury.
The next weekend I bravely stopped by Leslie's house to say, hi.
Somehow I expected her to act differently. Maybe to pretend that nothing had happened between us. She was quite the opposite, however. She was glad to see me, and instantly there was that sweet rapport between us. We did an affectionately little kiss on the lips. She told me that she hoped that I hadn't felt bad or had any misgivings, and I assured her that I hadn't. I told her much I had loved our moment together in the bath and then in her bedroom. She said that if we wanted, that we could go back into her bedroom. I was all for it. Inside of five minutes, we were lovingly naked in each others arms, kissing, touching and caressing.
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It was such an easy and natural thing to be doing. This time it was my first experience with oral sex, with her performing it on me, and me on her. It was exciting and lustfully passionate, and yet so incredibly romantic.
I loved every moment of it.
For the months that followed, as winter slipped past and spring was soon to arrive, I thrived on the affair that I was having with Leslie. We would meet once a week at her house, have romantically passionate sex, thoroughly enjoying that luxury as two females. When spring finally did arrive, however, and the school year was close to winding down, Leslie delivered some not so good news. She was moving. She had been offered a better teaching position out of state. I felt devastated.
Yet, somehow, at the same time, I had known that our relationship would have to come to an end, and that this was it. In some unrealized way I was actually relieved. I had started wondering myself, if I was a lesbian. Yet, I had no desire for other girls, just boys. My only lesbian-like feelings were just with Leslie.
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Thoroughly and completely, but just with her.
Leslie did leave and I did go onto college two years later.
At college bisexuality was much more open and free. Lots of girls were trying it, I suppose just out of curiosity and to be different. I did manage to have a very brief fling with an attractive female friend. It was enjoyable, yet not very satisfying. It was nothing like when I had been younger and with Leslie. Maybe, sometime, I might enjoy a moment of playfulness with another woman. I was open to that, if it was convenient in the way that I suppose it could be sometimes between women. The same for men too, I imagine. Still, with a sigh, I will always remember my sweet innocence.
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